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Quotable Quotes

INSULTS WITH A TOUCH OF CLASS



George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill:
Shaw: I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my play; bring a friend ... if you have one.
Churchill: Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one.

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

— Mark Twain

Exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor:
Lady Astor: If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea.
Churchill: If you were my wife, I'd drink it.

Churchill told Lady Astor that having a woman in Parliament was like having one intrude on him in the bathroom, to which she retorted, "You're not handsome enough to have such fears."

Lady Astor responded to Churchill about what disguise he should wear to a masquerade ball by saying, "Why don't you come sober, Prime Minister?"

Lady Astor: "Winston, you are drunk."
Churchill: "And you, madam, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning." Churchill was actually talking to Bessie Braddock, a Labour Member of Parliament.

Faulkner and Hemingway:
Faulkner: He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.
Hemingway: Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?

Oscar Wilde: Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

Moses Hadas: Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it.

Mae West: His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.

Stephen Bishop: I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here.

Grouch Marx: I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Last but not least:
♦ Statistics means never having to say you're certain.
♦ If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.